it's too much
you're too late
I want to see it all again
she says 'keep this benzene ring around your finger
and think of me when everything you wanted starts to end'

this quote is from "the scientists" by hum, a band that is amazingly underrated and sadly no longer exists (i think). whenever i hear it or think about it - as i have been recently, since i put it in my cd player in my car - i think about jen. and thus, recently, i have been thinking a lot about jen. it's driving me insane.

in
fucking
sane

thad and i hung out a lot tonight. i miss living with him, but this was nice. we realized a pattern in our lives involving girls that made us yearn to be ajay. however, if i explained this further, i would probably upset ajay - unfortunately. because, honestly, i think i am slightly envious of my dimunitive friend in certain aspects. well, maybe not. but its fun to say.

i talked to phil on the phone today. he needs to come back. and parker and ryan should come back soon. asap. too many girls around here, not enough guys. and not enough fun.

on one hand, i like urs a lot. on the other hand, i think about jen a lot. i think it is fairly clear that i am a retard. i think the whole "cutting a very integral part of my life out cold turkey" is starting to get back to me. i stopped being angry, i guess, so i can't run on that rage anymore, and now i'm stuck dealing with it. and i see her sometimes and she doesn't look at me. she purposely avoids looking at me. she tries to look like she doesn't care - like she is stoic or something. i can tell she's faking it though. whenever she wore her sunglasses before, she couldn't help but smile. now i see her in sunglasses, and she already saw me, so she has the straight face out. and the fact that i notice all this is fucking nuts. i need to go home or something.

well, you got your fucking post. i'm sorry people abroad, but i never post pictures cuz none of my fucking friends ever want to do anything that slightly resembles fun. that's not true, but when they prove me wrong i leave my camera home. and those times that we have fun are few and far between. and now i've worked myself up pretty bad, so i'll go sleep. or punch something and stay up for another 2 hours. don't wake me up tomorrow.