i found this today
it made me think a lot. it made me decide that i'm much less interesting and that i keep too much in. it made me think (through convos with nitin and geoff) that i need to stop drinking completely (not that i drink a lot as it is) and get my edge back. every time i drink i regret it.
i'm less poetic in these posts than i used to be. i think thats evident. i used to care a lot more too. i don't seem to have as much raw emotion... it stinks. i think a possibility is that i don't show it as much on this site as i used to... but i dunno. i want my edge back.
another realization - a lot of things remain the same. i have been asking for feedback for 2 years straight, and rarely have i gotten it. my elscorcho email is quite underused, which is sad. while this new response system is doing some things, it isn't nearly as good as i would like. but thats not my fault - it is because you guys don't use it as much as i wish you would. sad.
i also realized that geoff has been bitching that nobody appreciates his sotws for 2 years, and that nobody fucking emails him ideas. jesus. you all know him.
so yeah, that little bit of archived niv made me really happy and really sad at the same time. my posts used to be amazing, and they have been off and on recently. but i know i'm capable of having amazing posts. and maybe i'll go through the old posts and write songs, or poems or something.
one last thing - as of right now, i don't wanna go to bars any more. i'd rather play cards or risk or video games or something. no more paying money to put poisons in my body that are completely unnecessary and do not make me happy at all.
perhaps i should take that approach to everything, not just alcohol. ooh, a little dig to end the post with.
posting from work
1430-june09-2003
comments
re: edge
from: niv (2003-06-09 21:52:44)
i think you missed the entire definition of "edge". i didn't say i was a "hardass". i was just edgy... and yes, it was partially/wholly due to being miserable. but at least it led to interesting posts and some real emotional output from myself.
what the hell is mauve? can't you talk like a normal person for once?
re: looking back over the years...
from: chad (2003-06-10 02:10:29)
Niv, you were never necessarily edgy...just not mainstream. and bitchy. very bitchy. now you are equally not mainstream, but also more accepting of mainstream behavior. which has eliminated, in large part, this bitchiness. I see in this post a lot of old niv habits of being upset about things that arent there, or that arent worth being upset about. I, personally, check elschorcho, two to three times daily at work (which has made my last two weeks boring as hell, since you dont post) because it keeps me up to date with your life, sometimes geoffs, or trills, or any number of other people who, at some point, i was friends with. hopefully next year i will keep up to date with geoff through such things as conversations in the room, but you i will still be half way across the continent from, and will require some form of electronic communcation, whether it be cell phone calls (which have never happened before), IM (which kinda sucks), email, or elscorcho. point being, you havent lost any "edge", just bitterness. elscorcho is not worse or less poetic, just different and a reflection of you changing into a happy, well adjusted adult. and the cavs will be starting lebron, ricky, dajuan, carlos and Z next year. sweet.
re: chad... niv...
from: geoff (2003-06-10 13:09:47)
everyone, trust me, if you go and read the stuff that niv wrote winter break 01/02, id certainly put it in the "edgy" category. or at least "really fun to read cause you have no idea what or who he will attack next" category. the he had to go find a girl and everything, and now everything is fine in the world. if it were last year, or even the start of this year, we would have already had a feaked out post about the whole picking up urs issue from last night. but its not, and not a peep. elscorcho was edgy because it was part of niv, and although niv himself must not be considered "edgy," putting all the inner thoughts of a crazy person on the web for everyone, particularly his friends, to read is something which is certainly not typical.
more importantly, niv you take my comment that dejuan is the player who least fits and should be traded and distorted it. or maybe i distorted it in my own speech. either way, he should be the one moved, but due to salary issues and stuff, it would be hard. all im saying is that espn insider finally paid off when i saw that chad ford was talking about a davis for al harrington trade, which would help the cavs have another solid forward who wont demand the ball, and i thought of ron artest and ricky davis on the same team.... yeah that has to happen.
re: old post revisted...
from: chad (2003-06-11 17:20:47)
i clicked that "i found this today" link that sent you off into that whole "i've lost my edge" tailspin, and proceeded to spend far too much time of my work-empty work day reading old posts that really have no importance to my life any more, except where you call all the girls from home stupider than they used to be. that made me laugh to no end, and therefore remains applicable to my life. the other thing there was a comment that you get to make fun of me forever without compliment because of the single line "he is a lot better than i give him credit for." if the compliments are going to be that weak, i either need one every year or so, or else i will make fun of you forever without any compliments ever again.
I apologize for the stupidity of this post, and for its complete irrelevance to everyone who isn't niv. i have nothing to do and i am bored out of my mind.
also, spurs in seven, and how frustrating was it to watch the ducks play a solid first period and two very very ugly periods monday night? although, niv, i did watch games 6 and 7 with a guy at school who i am friends with but not great friends with, in a bonding moment reminiscint of dallas not beating buffalo in triple OT when brett hull didnt score a goal.
re: alex chiu?
from: birgs (2003-06-11 18:39:14)
so i decided to check out your website today. and i find the flashing advertisment with the creepy asian man and his claim to creating a way for human immortality quite disturbing. what's it doing on elscorcho?
to that whole losing your 'edge' thing, it's not bad to be less pissed off at the world. hmm maybe as you lost that i acquired it...
so game 4 is on tonight and i'm uber excited. i hope my man displays his superstar point guard talents. and i hope that jerz wins at least so the series can keep going on past a game 5 because when the nba season is done i'll be sad. only baseball is left which as you, niv, know is a bit hard for me to deal with. but back to basketball, what's with the espn articles saying that keith van horn would be key in beating the spurs and that the nets should not have gotten rid of him?? everyone in nj hated him, he sucks, no one liked his knee socks, and rj is emerging into a star (maybe not in the finals).
oh so i found myself a group that i think isn't too shabby, unwritten law. you'll probably tell me that they suck or something because their music isn't 'scary' hehe
the penguin italian ice man is going up my street! i heart the summer :)
lata
re: hockey
from: niv (2003-06-11 18:39:51)
1a) fuck brett hull
2b) you forget that we also played a full season of all-star baseball around then too. hehe.
3c) the compliment wasn't htat weak. it was from the heart
hehe
re: hockey, baseball, etc
from: chad (2003-06-11 22:05:14)
1) i forgot about all-star baseball. we were good.
2) least hits is not an acceptable fantasy league stats. k's to BB is ok, but also not great. but least hits? thats absurd.
3) well, if it was from the heart...
re: bored at work
from: thad (2003-06-12 13:17:31)
1) up all night is a better song by them.
2) chad's point #2 is absolutely correct. but we've been over this.
3) tiger just made eagle on the 6th hole to get to -1. i wish i was sitting on my couch watching him right now, but webcast will have to do for now. plus i don't get $15/hr to sit on my couch.
4) i'm extremely excited that there is early afternoon baseball today, so i can watch it on sportsline and have something to do for the next 3 hours til i leave.
5) not having internet at my house yet could prove to be a downfall in fantasy baseball, as i was unaware that sasaki went on the dl (the silly man fell on his stairs while carrying a suitcase!) and stupid jon jumped at the chance to pick up jeff nelson before i could get him as a temp. replacement.
6) speaking of jon, he just picked up desi relaford. let's all laugh at him.
7) i picked up the other javier lopez (the pitcher) today for about 5 minutes and then dropped him like he was hot for jae weong seo, or as his friends call him, j-dubbs.
8) speaking of mets pitchers, how have they never thrown a no-hitter in their 34 years of existence? it seems odd, especially since seattle's chris bosio threw one.
9) i hope the spurs-nets series goes 7 games, and i hope the spurs win it 55-54 in triple overtime on a steve kerr dunk over dikembe mutumbo.
10) i think i hate the devils more than any other professional sports team. it's their fault that the nhl is now being watched less than the nfl, nba, mlb, nascar, arena football, college football, college basketball, tennis, and golf. the early-to-mid-90s devils did to the nhl what pat riley's knicks did to the nba, which is kill it.
re: heheh
from: niv (2003-06-12 14:27:14)
numbers 9 and 10 are some of your best work, by far. also, i'm laughing at jon, but also at you, for all the silly pitcher moves. also, in my infinite insanity, i proposed 5 trades today, but then yahoo said "no more, niv, no more". i made it cry uncle! or i broke the max trade proposals at one time limit.
also, as i told chad, yes, least hits suck, but we friggin went over that in april, we're over it. and he's been harassing me with it on aim and on here, so i was going to just ignore him.
re: dammit
from: niv (2003-06-12 14:27:51)
also, the yankees got a hit in the first inning. congratulations all around
re: that brings me back
from: Ken (2003-06-12 14:44:42)
ken's response to the assertion that "anyone can sleep on our couch":
Not Me you Fuzz-nut!
wow that takes me back. Maybe i never trained my long-term memory but for some reason I tend to forget things that happened more than a year ago. Maybe I just live in the "now", which could explain my lack of focus on the future, too. hmmm
and yeah Thad I dropped the ball on internet in our house. Believe you me, i feel the pain just as much only I got used to it a few weeks before you did.
Speaking of me forgetting things, I forgot about elscorcho for a good month or so until today. Niv feel free to bash me about that, its not like i didnt see it on your computer whenever flori came over.
Finally, the yankees got a hit? sigh.... at least i can tweak a friend's nose back home about the no-hitter last night.
re: wingmaaaaa-aaaaaaa-aaaaan
from: thad (2003-06-12 15:09:21)
yeah... but seo is the best mets pitcher right now i think (not that that's saying much) so maybe that'll be something. or maybe he'll just be another one of my young pitchers that do 6 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K every time out.
i think i use the internet enough here at work to more than make up for not having it at home yet. i hope arthur rhodes gets to be the closer for the M's.
finally, the yankees lineup for today makes me want to throw up. after the top three it goes:
cleanup hitter - Todd Zeile
5th - Raul Mondesi
6th - Hideki Matsui
7th - Bubba Trammell (DH)
8th - John Flaherty
9th - Juan Rivera
I mean, were they trying to get no-hit again? does this team have any depth at all? at least DH ruben sierra, for god's sake! hehehe. also, david wells never f'ing walks anybody. maybe sometimes he should experiment with throwing a ball once in a while, he's given up 10 hits already today. i mean, there's something to be said for only walking 4 guys all year, but i feel like as a hitter you should be aware of that, and thus be looking for lots of strikes to swing at.
re: forums
from: niv (2003-06-12 16:05:41)
goddamnit, there are forums. why don't conversations such as this one take place over there?
re:
from: b (2003-06-12 16:32:38)
rest of my life by unwritten law is also good.
deke isn't gonna be dunked on by anyone else. i'm thinking the finger wag might make another appearance.
devils suck.
how exactly did the new york knickerbockers 'kill' the nba? maybe i don't see the nba 'dead' cuz i luv basketball and the knicks and especially the knicks of the 90s.
re: knicks and devils
from: chad (2003-06-12 17:06:24)
NBA pre-Riley knicks: high scoring, high flying, fun and exciting. nba during riley knicks: defensive minded, scores in the 70's no fun makes me want to kill myself cause it is so boring, much like this years god awful, 63 points per half finals. gimme mavs-kings any day of the week. and all this shit started with the boring, awful knicks...the devils did the same to hockey
re: Sir
from: Andy (2003-06-12 18:32:30)
speaking of the excitement of a possible game 7 of the NBA finals...does anyone else feel very excited about the upcoming release of the Hollywood film "From Justin to Kelly." I know I am.
re: the knicks, real quick
from: niv (2003-06-13 07:48:43)
to be fair, it was more jeff van gundy than pat riley. though riley did set the wheels in motion - and the other thing is that the stupid knicks got to the finals playing in their terrible boring 70-68 final score manner.
re: knicks
from: thad (2003-06-13 09:55:50)
see, the problem is, if you try to beat the knicks/devils style of play by playing up-tempo (i.e. fun-to-watch-and-infinitely-more-enjoyable) or even normalish, you get killed b/c all they do is sit back and wait for you to make a mistake which they can counterattack off of.
thus, the only way to beat them was to beat them at their own boring game. basically it was like, do you want to beat the knicks 70-68, or lose to them 100-80.
since the knicks and devils were the first to play this style, they were also the best at it for a long time, which is how they both made numerous playoff appearances. and, when other teams without talent (i'm not saying the knicks and devils didn't have talent, which actually might be the most frustrating part, cause they both had lots of good players who could have scored lots and been interesting to watch) saw the success of this style of play, they realized that by emulating it, they could compensate for having less talent.
thankfully, in the nba, talent usually does win out in the long run, which is why the knicks or the heat were never able to win a title, despite their slow-it-down thug-ball style. however, in the nhl, things are somewhat different because individual play is significantly less important than in the nba. one star forward cannot take over an nhl game if the other team is trapping with 5 guys back, clutching and grabbing, dumping and chasing.
and this is how the devils have been able to win 3 stanley cups in the past 9 years. i have a certain amount of understanding as to why they did this, b/c 3 championships is 3 championships. i just feel like it didn't have to be this way, at the expense of fan entertainment. their own fans don't even like to watch them, for god's sake. they didn't sell out a home playoff game until the eastern conference finals. the tv ratings for the first 2 games of the nhl finals were somewhere around 1.5. let's put that into context: the first round of the Colonial Open golf tournament on a Thursday afternoon got more than double those ratings.
if you watch any of the lakers-celtics finals in the 80s or the edmonton oilers of the 80s and the pittsburgh penguins of the early 90s, you'll see how the nba and nhl could be and used to be, which is fun and exciting. but for now, i'll stick to college sports, the nfl, and of course, baseball.
re: General Commentary
Ok so I wanted to say a couple of things:
- I like elscorcho simply b/c it enables (for better or worse) a dialog among people who aren't around. More so than IM b/c there is usually a topic du jour to instigate matters.
-I hate the black background behind the pictures. Try mauve or some obscene colour like that. Black sucks
-the respond feature is nice - see above
-i dunno what "edge" niv is talking about ... mainly b/c he was never really badass. Unless of course he niv perceived himself to be as such b/f some arbitrary time. I don't think there is any correlation b/w starting to drink and this supposed edge, however. I mean correlation is not causation.
-Remember the time of when niv had his "edge" wasn't he miserable then (not to be around - but inwardly)?
-ok enough about this - NY is really nice, everyone should come live here and party down here (at some point or another for indeterminate periods of time)
-I, ajay, am actually looking forward to the end of summer and starting work (can we say bling?)
that is all for now I guess ... see my away messages for daily commentary ...