so i quit my job at the library. it was becoming a stressful situation, as it eats up TONS of time and i never get work done there and i wanted to work more at monster. so, that's done with, even though i'm right now at the library taking my shift. why? because i have to give a grace period for my boss to replace me. i guess i'm being 'decent' or whatever. i still think it sucks though.
i have a take-home midterm in my classics 45 class, so we didn't have class today. presumably, we would work on our midterm during this time. i instead drove out to monster to talk to my boss there about a few things. first off, i still haven't been offered a job, and i'm being stupid so i'm not asking for an offer or anything. maybe i'll ask on friday, but i've been saying that for a while and nothing yet, so who knows. anyways, the real point was that the drive there was pretty amazing. most of the trees were on fire, and just enough weren't that the gradient was perfect, if that makes sense. the balance was just perfect. you should drive to maynard tomorrow.
talkin to chad now. he asked me if i saw nitin, since he was up here this past weekend for becca's big 21 (happy birthday becca). i told him i didn't, that i usually didn't see him or becca. i also mentioned that becca gets uncomfortable around me. chad thinks (and this is chad, here) that this is because i remind her of a time when she was "dumb and mean". he pointed out that people don't like remembering that, so lots of time they start disliking or becoming uncomfortable with people that remind them of their own mean-ness or stupidity. this struck me as very obvious yet very true, and i got angry for not thinking of this myself. then, i got mad at chad, because he made me feel dumb. hehe, no, not really.
the point is - there are lots of silly things going on with me and also with my friends (AND GIRLS) that are caused by this phenomenon that chad described. girls avoid boys or are mean to boys because they are reminded of a time when those boys made them feel dumb or mean. and then they whine about boys? puh-lease, spare me.
then again, some girls avoid boys because the BOYS are the mean ones. that's the catch. sometimes the girls are not in the wrong...
but with me, with friends of mine not named phil or parker, how often is that actually true? i leave that up to you to decide.
it is a gray gray day
1631-october27-2003
comments
re: phil and bbb
from: niv (2003-10-28 23:04:24)
phil - i liked that you wrote a lot, its good for you.
bbb - recovering the satellites.
re: i'm on elscorcho!!
from: becca (2003-10-29 17:24:09)
i think chad’s got a point. when i run into you, it’s rough. i know for a fact that you’ve got, at your disposal, one of the worst representations of my character. i messed up, i didn’t handle things right. and while i thought time would make that go away, it hasn’t. having different friends has helped some. but seeing you drudges everything up. i don't even think i realized that i was being mean at the time. which would, i guess, account for the "dumb" portion of the characterization. in retrospect, i wanted too much, and didn’t want to have to pay for any of it. i still wanted to be friends with you, i wanted to date nitin, and i didn’t want anything interfering with either of those things. how i chose to act, based on those two desires, only convoluted things more. how to conclude all this?? I’m sorry…
re: me?
when was i the mean one to a girl? i think its usually girls overreacting to boys who don't know they've said something that a particular girl would get upset about, and sometimes for no good reason other than that she's in a bad mood about one thing and the thing you say gives her an excuse to become upset at you instead. i'm not giving a specific instance or anything, i'm just kind of giving a broad generalization. but once again, i don't think parker nor i have done anything mean to girls in recent memory, at least not on purpose.
but yeah, i agree about the part that people avoid others who they feel awkward around now because they're reminded of something stupid or embarrassing they've done. i think its dumb to get that way, i try to have a short memory, but i think generally its because i just hold my grudges deep down and, coincidentally, have an extradordinarly long memory about things and just let nature run its course and then get my shots in if i ever really need to, otherwise i just remember and am wary and fiercely loyal.
this is like a whole post unto itself, sorry everyone, i'm a moron but i just kept writing and really couldn't stop myself.