TWO FOR THURSDAY!

or uh.. something.

part 1, part 2.

when i left off, the indians had just lost and all of us were easing in to a bender. now, i don't find a lot of value in describing drunken nights out - they all tend to be the same in structure and basic action, so only the highlights need to be spelled out. so, keep in mind a steady level of drinking going on in the background here, as well as drew/geoff slowly opening up, and at least 3 inappropriate comments from trills and myself. i mean, these are f'n constants.

so first, let me tell you about a retarded drinking game we invented. we called it 'drinking craps', and while i believe there must be another drinking game by this name, i'm afraid to google that phrase while at work. so, let me be clear - this game only slightly resembles dice, and there is a copious amount of drinking. the plan was to basically set up a craps game, but with drinks as the betting unit instead of dollars. much like communism, it sounded great in theory. much like communism, it didn't turn out like this in practice at all. it devolved (evolved?) into rolling dice and then telling other people to drink and then drinking yourself. i suppose all drinking games eventually turn into something like this, but rarely is the devolution (evolution?) so quick.

i'm not going to talk about 'sink the ship', the stupidest drinking game ever (8th 'paragraph'), but i will mention this - drew told trilling (who was struggling mightily) to pour in "one smooth motion" and trilling poured half his glass into a shot glass. the image of drew trying to calm trilling's nerves and give him a boost of confidence and then trilling shitting the bed like that... i'im still laughing about it. one smooth motion.

so we drank some more, went to some lounge around the corner (with seats! for sitting) and drank some more. yadda yadda. we decided to go to perennial favorite adams morgan.

ASIDE: yes i know i linked to the same d.c. trip post twice, but f'n whatever man.

surprisingly, getting a cab to adams morgan actually turned into an event. 90% of this was because trilling somehow got shitfaced while the rest of us were somehow... not. the drunkeness levels did not match up with expected drunkeness quotient (edq) all night, but this was the first real indication. trilling wandered out of the bar into traffic, almost getting hit by someone who then insisted on waiting until we crossed the street. of course, we didn't want to cross the street, but whatever. so we crossed the street, and now we're in the land of pebbles. i wish i had a picture of this. it's an entire island in the middle of 3 streets with shops on the left and just... pebbles. no grass, no trees, no concrete - just pebbles. a strange decision by whoever planned this gentrification. so trilling picks up a handful of pebbles. not wanting to be pelted, geoff and i ... run. rather then telling trilling to put down the pebbles, we both realized he wasn't a man to be reasoned with and just took off. trilling unleashed the pebbles, and somehow none of them hit us. from the sounds of it, he sure did hit a lot of cars.

we got in a cab, me sitting shotgun and the rest in the back seat. i immediately chat up the cab driver, asking him if he likes his job and how things are going. drew jumps in and asks if he gets ripped off by drunk people a lot, which i suppose is a fair question. then he offers the cab driver a fare every morning at 9am outside his apartment, which of course means he's still taking a cab to work every morning, which is really, really stupid.

so we're having this nice, pleasant conversation on our way to adams morgan, but like all nice, pleasant things, trilling has to go and ruin it. he kept pointing at me and yelling "THIS KID IS INDIAN, FROM INDIA" every 30 seconds. so re-read that last paragraph with this in mind.

geoff was silent.

so we went to some bar in adams morgan, and since i was lucid this entire night (somehow) i was fully aware that i really don't like adams morgan, despite the amount of fun i've had there. it's just not my scene. so this bar was called nolan's, and when geoff tried to go in the guy asked him for $10. i finally explained to him why this happened at some point on sunday. i was right after geoff in line, and the bouncer took issue with my indians hat. he was outside the bar, so i guess he could wear his pirates hat without repercussion, but the irony was not lost on me. he told me to go over to the side and hide the hat in my pants or something. i... did this. i stuck the brim of the hat in to my pants and went back to the line. the bouncer pulled me up and said you're good, but $10. i asked why, and it was because i was lacking a collar. seriously. this becomes more of an issue when i describe the inside of the bar. so i give him a $20 and tell him to not worry about the change, because after all he didn't make me throw away the hat and i was 80% sure i had lost trilling/drew (geoff waited!) at this point.

so we get into the bar... and it's a fucking college bar, like every other bar in adams morgan. the $10 no collar charge was complete bullshit - this place wasn't classy. i mean, why do this? why are bars like this? i could go on, but i guess america loves this crap, so whatever.

the adventure continues from here, but just so everyone knows, WE ARE NOW IN PART 4 TERRITORY.

i disappeared a few times in the bar to talk to jen, but the constant lack of game from drew and geoff, both who seemed interested in flexing some game going in to the night, was impressive. ladies, these guys need help. drew said they were a bit more conservative because trills and i were there and not interested in dancing / flexing game at all, but whatever, just embrace your gameless roots.

trills and i disappeared a few times to talk too. the last of these times was close to closing time, and when we returned geoff and drew finally were doing more than awkwardly moving on the dance floor. they had met up with a bachelorette party and i assume gotten shots with them. all i know is i had to chug a bacardi and diet cola and it didn't make me drunk or vomity.

so, since these characters are important, let me introduce them.
stacy - getting married
emily - blond friend of stacy
allie - the 'fun one'. and by that i mean she was large, very self-aware, and by far the funniest of the three. i know, i know, it's mean to make fun of people for being large, but whatever, the trio was out of a fucking sitcom.
so they all went to old dominion together and they all lived in norfolk and they had a hotel room in DC. there, introduced.

we got booted out of nolan's (good riddance) and trilling said he was tapped. he went to erin's, and we later found out his mode of transportation was drunken walking, rather than taking a cab. what a class act.

the girls weren't done with the night, and clearly no one was going home with anyone else just yet, so drew took us over to another bar that is open slightly later. of course, whatever this f'n bar was called was closing, so we walked for no good reason. the bouncer at the bar told us about a club called 'five' that is open until... 5am. you guessed it. the decision was made before i could comprehend what was happening.

now... this is where things get real fun.

we pile into a cab 6 deep. i'm the second to last to get into the cab, and someone yells at me from a parked car behind me (as i'm facing to get into the cab). i go over, and there is a huge black dude and tiny tiny black chick. the chick asks me if the blond girl is into girls. the dude goes "yeah, she's hot". i say i'll ask, and pop my head into the cab and ask if anyone other than drew is into girls. i get blank stares, and i decide to just get into the cab, rather than converse with these incredibly sketchy people in this parked car.

so the cab is populated as follows: allie is sitting shotgun, stacy is sitting back left with emily in her lap, drew is to their right, and then me, and then geoff. geoff had to try 2 times to get the door shut, but cmon, this has happened before with no incident. of course, we go 2-3 blocks towards the club, only to see some flashing lights in the rearview. busted.

the cabbie immediately says "don't say anything, this happens all the time, just be cool." two cops come up to the cab. one asks the cabbie if he has his permit and license. he says yes. she gets annoyed and asks to see them. at this point, drew chimes in with "this guy's cool, it's not a problem at all" and i have to punch him to get him to shut up. the cops go back with the permit and license, and drew starts talking about how they are removing value from the community and people like our cab driver are adding value to the community. geoff and i ask him why he talked when he was told not to.

the cops come back and say that the cabbie will get a ticket unless two people get out of the cab. geoff and i immediately volunteer, partially due to comfort issues but also because we were the logical candidates at this point. (read: drew and emily had a little vibe going) so now drew and these random girls are continuing on to five, and geoff and i left to fend for ourselves.

unfortunately, this is where part 4 comes to a close. in part 5: geoff and i fend for ourselves, i complete my 24 hours awake. also: transsexuals (maybe)!

UPDATE: part 5 will be up soon... maybe tomorrow (8/13)