in my last post i mentioned that 'big river man', a documentary i saw at sundance, affected me in a big way, but i didn't go into a lot of detail. i will try to do that now.

the big river man (martin strel) was able to complete the amazon. towards the end, his son, who also narrated the movie and planned out all the logistics of the swims, wrote a statement that he hoped his father would read upon completing the amazon. the statement, which i wish i had the full text to, was essentially this: we hope you recognize the damage being done to the rainforest in the name of cattle ranches, and anyone, even fat alcoholics from slovenia, can do things that help change the world.

however, as he reached the end of the river, martin started hallucinating, becoming quite ill and generally exhausted. he couldn't stand when he reached the end of the amazon, and he was rushed to a hospital immediately. he really couldn't comprehend that his son wanted him to read the statement, let alone stop the madness around him long enough to deliver the statement. from there, everything melted away. the sponsorship money was gambled away. the talk show hosts who wanted to talk to martin, and who would have helped bring martin's cause to a much larger audience, never followed up with their initial interest. martin's son, having seen martin push himself too far and come back with now nothing, decided to go back to school, effectively ending his tenure running logistics for martin, and effectively ending martin's long-distance swimming career.

so you are left in the end with a man who can do amazing things, who is capable of doing things that no one else on earth can do, broke, lying on a couch, and seemingly unsuccessful in his attempt to change the world. and at the end of the day, that is really what he wanted to do - obviously he wanted to push himself, but i was fairly convinced that he also did care about the environment and about caring for our rivers and for the earth. and i thought that it must be heartbreaking to be that god at endurance swimming and that interested in using your skill to change the world and to not really affect the world as much as you want.

and i thought about his son, who worshiped his dad, and who wrote a wonderful, perfect statement for him to read, in broken english, doing the best HE can to bring his father's message to the world.

i think if i want to change the world, i have to want other people to have the ability to change the world as well. and if someone i want to change the world has brought his case to me, i have to stand up and pay attention. you cannot hope to change the world and not let yourself be changed at the same time.

and so, the day after seeing that movie, i stopped eating red meat.